First Trip

Fear running through my body as I was told I “might” be going out on Wednesday (It was now Monday in the comfort of my living room). Even the possibility of this new adventure intimidated me. What if the crew and captain didn’t like me, what if I forgot everything I learned in training, and regardless of training what the fuck do I do when I get out there? Everything has been in the comfort of a classroom that supplied hot coffee and tea, a far cry from “Deadliest Catch”.  All I could think was FUCK. Everything was out of my comfort zone and I wasn’t sure if I was ok with it. Though training was intense and informative, I still felt like I was jumping into a big black hole. Even speaking with other observers and their method of working out in the middle of the big blue ocean,  still didn’t process in my mind what I was about to do.

The next day flew past my eyes as I prepared for something I really didn’t know how to prepare for. I have travelled by myself to different countries several times, moved to a different country and cities for work. But this was something entirely different. I had finally landed a job in the fisheries industry. Something I hadn’t seen coming anytime soon. Stepping on my first boat though was a feeling I had never experienced. I had grown up knowing fishing was a dangerous and life threatening industry. Who hasn’t seen Perfect Storm? How George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg make dying in the cold Atlantic Ocean look glamorous. Stepping on that boat meant I was going to be risking my life. I worked so hard to get to this point in my life. Mixed feelings came up. I never thought I would be married while achieving a career that brought me to a life threatening level. I always knew I'd have a career that pushes the limits. I just never thought I would get married and love someone as much as I love him. Love changes everything and how people see the world. But I had to shrug it off and push forward without thinking, which sometimes is scary in itself.

We left in the morning on Wednesday.  Exactly two weeks after completing training almost to the hour. I easily got situated and working with only 2 crew members and 1 captain made that process an easy one. Heading out through the river mouth, my body filled up with excitement. Then the seasickness hit me like a huge brick in the fucking face. Wow, seasickness is a real thing, something that I never want to experience again. Excitement was quickly replaced with stupidity. The most important personal item I could have brought and I forgot it. I could picture the pills, sitting on the kitchen table, mocking me.

Needless to say, the first 24 hours were a living hell of ups and downs, physically and emotionally. Even the first 36 hours had me wondering what the fuck was I doing out here in the cold wet rain, tipping side to side trying to lug around 40, 50 even 60 pounds. On the edge of starvation and dehydration, I could feel every single pound of fat melting off my body. Which of course got me excited cause what girl doesn’t like the idea of losing weight. However, that quickly faded into hating my life when I heard the hydraulics turn on. To be honest, there was even a moment where I was trying to figure out how to get out of leaving my bunk. My integrity got the best of me and I continued with the slow process of putting the layers that protected me from the elements. The elements that were waiting to bully me into thinking I couldn’t finish what I started. Like all bullies in my life, I told it to go fuck itself and continued to push through. However, the thoughts of why the fuck I was out here still in my mind. The first 3 days were filled with ups and downs. Ups and fucking downs, like the rolling ocean. I can still taste the vomit in my mouth. Vomit of success some would say.

It wasn’t until I woke up the morning of my 4^th day, looking out to the calm ocean with the sun rising over the Olympia Mountains (which was my first time seeing them) that I realized seasickness was that little devil on my shoulder. This job didn’t have enough bad moments to tarnish the amazing ones.  Some observers may have had a better experience then my first 3 days. However, I would leave those bastard pills on the kitchen table if I had to do it over. Between the weather, feeling ill and insecurity of how to complete my tasks, I have grown as a person and as an observer. I have gained the respect of 3 fishermen for working through it and not only completing my tasks but putting any little energy left into helping them fish. I will cherish and lock up that respect and use it for moments where I may doubt myself in the future…..

 My future as an Observer.